We Are Family – Week 1

Family Feud: What Destroys the Family

Ephesians 2

19 So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, 20 built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, 21 in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. 22 In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.

I. Bitterness

Hebrews 12:14–15

14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.

A. Definition of Bitterness.

Unresolved anger and resentment that grow in one’s heart after a person feels wronged or hurt.

B. What Feeds Bitterness?

1. Repeating the issue to ourselves.

2. Repeating the issue to the person we are upset with.

3. Repeating the issue to other people, which then becomes gossip.

C. Biblical Solution for Bitterness.

Ephesians 4:31–32

31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

II. Gossip

2 Corinthians 12

20 For I fear that perhaps, when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

Proverbs 10

18 The one who conceals hatred has lying lips,

and whoever utters slander is a fool.

A. Definition of Gossip

John Loftness defines gossip as, “Telling someone privileged, negative information about another when the recipient is neither part of the problem nor part of the solution.”

Proverbs 16:28

A dishonest man spreads strife,

and a whisperer separates close friends.

B. What Feeds Gossip?

1. Our need to feel important as we declare our judgments.

2. It makes us feel included or needed by knowing insider information.

3. It makes us feel powerful to talk about someone else’s faults.

4. It makes us feel spiritually or morally superior.

C. Biblical Solution for Gossip.

Proverbs 10

19 When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

Practical ways to stop gossip:

This conversation is on hold until you go get ______________, and then you can start over and say whatever you feel you must say to their face. I am willing to be a witness to that conversation, but I will not take part in gossip.

“Let’s get the three of us together and talk about this.”

I am giving you permission to say, “Well, my pastor said this.”

III. Offense / Unresolved Conflict

Definition of offense / unresolved conflict

Offense is a personal hurt or perceived wrong that, when left unresolved, becomes a stumbling block to love, unity, and forgiveness.

Offense or sinned against

Offense can sometimes be an emotional response from something that someone did that we don’t like; however, it may not be that the person actually has sinned against you.

Being sinned against means someone has clearly violated a biblical, Christ-centered boundary and wronged you. They have violated God’s standard of conduct.

What Feeds Offense?

The willingness to pick up offense and make a situation about yourself.

Assumptions, including placing expectations on others that they do not know exist.

Letting the offense be unresolved.

Pride causes us to focus more on what someone owes us than on what Christ has forgiven us for.

Biblical Solution for Offense and Conflict

Matthew 18

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Take your offense to the Lord.

Take your offense, in love, to the person who has wronged you.

Take someone else with you.

Bring in church leadership.

Forgiveness